She now says the relationship made her doubt her worth as a person and scarred her emotionally for years.
“I would never have wished for violence,” she told me, “but it would have been easier to recognize if he had hit me.”She didn’t recognize it at the time, and today her ex emphatically denies that he abused her in any way—two things that underscore the difficulty of noticing, from the inside, when a relationship becomes traumatic for one of the people in it.
He has to live with the fact that he’s a monster in my eyes.
I think that’s probably very difficult.” Jennifer is now studying to become a psychologist, and she’s worked with teenaged girls to help them learn how to avoid abusive relationships.
Lauren began to see the way he treated her wasn’t okay. She grew up with happily married, supportive parents.
She devised a move-out plan: She would return to her hometown for a while and find a new job. She has an Ivy-League education, a black belt in tae kwon do, and experience working with domestic-violence survivors. Lauren believes she fell prey to a common cycle: Abuse shatters self-esteem, and poor self-esteem keeps people in toxic relationships.
If her partner shares the information anyway, emotional abuse is in full effect.
Acts of humiliation can vary, and one includes criticizing you in front of other people.
This type of behavior is a big red flag because it demonstrates that your partner is willing to mistreat you in the presence of other individuals.
Just a few months into her new life in a new state with her boyfriend of three years, Lauren was nearing the breaking point. To Lauren, her years with her ex now reverberate with the telltale notes of emotional abuse.
“I go back and forth between thinking I have to break up with him,” she told a friend, “and thinking that I don't want to be without him.”She Gchatted a different friend to say her boyfriend had called her at work to complain that a box of her crafting supplies had fallen off the kitchen table and dented the floor. Lauren might seem an unlikely target of emotional manipulation.